I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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