Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
