Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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