Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pants are for mortals
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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