my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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