I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She told me I should be a condom model.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
