I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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