my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
