we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
