We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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