I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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