sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it glows. i had to have it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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