you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
