i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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