I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
