id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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