She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
