dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
