This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
