had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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