....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
