Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
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If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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