I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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