Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
