Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
