Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
