I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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