Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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