you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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