Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
