i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
