He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
