Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
