So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
