I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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