you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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