He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
