You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
