ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
