does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
