I cut my penus on the lid.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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