she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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