It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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