ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
