Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
