it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
