my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
