did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Someone shit on the floor
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
