After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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