Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
