So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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