I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
