It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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