I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize