Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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