My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
