wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
