I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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