We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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