Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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