so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize