That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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