conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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