you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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