I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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