Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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