"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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