the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
