Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
