the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
