her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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