i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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