I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
