he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
