i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
