I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
